Misplaced Hope

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Our moving story starts with moves to two different houses in Grand Rapids and then our big move to Fremont 14 years ago. We left Grand Rapids gladly, wanting a small town lifestyle for our family. It was a scary and brave thing to do at the time, considering we had no family or jobs here, just a dream and my roots. We decided to buy a house in town, not the country, hoping it would help us get to know the people and places in this small town. We were right. It didn’t take long and we found wonderful friends and neighbors here. But it also didn’t take long for us to start dreaming of the country.

Year after year went by and the vision stayed the same: a few acres just outside of town with room for an art studio, gardens, and a barn for a little hobby farm. Dreamy, right? We pursued several opportunities and even put our house on the market twice, but nothing was working out. Though it was discouraging, we never gave up believing we would make the move someday.

Then I found it: a big old four square farmhouse, close to town, with fields and woods on 18 acres, and a beautiful red barn. We toured it and walked the property several times as I imagined barn parties, a barn studio, barn sales, and barn cats. We loved it completely. It was everything and more. After some time of prayer and thinking we decided that we would go for it. Sadly, the day we called the realtor to make an offer, we learned that another offer had been accepted and the house was sold.

We felt compelled to at least keep trying for that country living life. It would be our one last leap of faith towards the dream. But after many months, the stress of having our house for sale by owner and not knowing where we might move or when became too much weight. It was a source of tension for both of us. We were no longer on the same page with the same vision. Out of frustration, disappointment, and anger, I stomped out of the house one day when everyone was gone and took down the house for sale sign.  It brought my man relief to come home from work and see the sign gone. It brought me into a pit.

Please understand that this came on the heels of several other heavy hitting disappointments. It was part of a bigger picture. I was still reeling from a failed adoption. Our years of homeschooling were clearly coming to an end. Now another hope was crumbling and my heart was breaking right along with it. Mostly, I felt completely baffled at what I was supposed to be doing with my life if the things I had built my hopes on for so long were not meant to be. I truly believed that these hopes were part of God’s plan for my life and when those doors closed, I was angry and confused.

I’m going to skip ahead and spare you the gory details of my journey through the valley of fear and doubt. But what you need to know is that in letting go of my plans (even if it was kicking and screaming), God was able to walk me though that darkness and into a whole new understanding of what really matters…not WHERE I live, but HOW I live. I learned a lot about myself and my faith and my misplaced hopes. It wasn’t easy, but I slowly let go of the too tight grip on my dreams and opened my heart and life to whatever God was up to. I didn’t know it at the time, but something new was on the horizon…something I had often prayed for and deep down longed for, but never truly dared to believe.

Do Not Let Your Heart be Troubled

 

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Comments

  1. Beautiful. Beautiful story, beautiful quotes, beautiful paintings!

  2. Hi. I’ve been following you on instagram. I love your work!! Thanks for sharing your work and your words today.

  3. Tearing up a little over here Kristi! Thank you for this vulnerability. Can’t wait to talk more about this over coffee. 🙂

  4. Trickytroyer says:

    What a Cliffhanger! 🙂

  5. Your Helen Keller quote speaks to me too! Love your testimony of “opening your heart and life to whatever God is up to” and your faith along the journey. Staying tuned…:<)

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