Always Be A Dreamer

Watercolor by Kristi LYnn Studio

Me having a blog is such a terrible idea. Really.

In fact, you could consider me an expert on how to have an unsuccessful blog. Here’s my expert advice:

#1. Never post anything.

#2. Post so infrequently that you forget your own username and password. (everysingletime.)

#3. Write all blog posts in your head where nobody can read them.

Maybe this blog is an exercise in futility, but I feel like I need to finish telling my story.

Last time I wrote I left you hanging…for a very long time.

I’m alive and well, so you know everything turns out in the end, but it was a dark time. God was performing open heart surgery on my life and it hurt. I was angry. I had fought hard for my dreams and letting go felt an awful lot like giving up. Letting go felt like losing. Letting go felt like failure. So I believed the lies and the constant nagging voice inside my war torn head. I believed I had somehow failed. Or worse yet, God had failed me. I threw in the towel. I was so done. Done with dreams, done with faith, done with giving a rip about anything.

You know what’s weird? I was clearly deeply depressed, but in some strange and unexpected way I felt free. The burden of constantly trying to figure things out was gone. Instead of filling my head with plans for some future dream life that was the apparent key to my happiness, I saw no choice but to accept that this, right here, right now, was it. This was my life. I had better learn to live it.

Something shifts inside when you start to live your life right here, right now, as is. It doesn’t happen over night, but gradually you start to appreciate what you have and wonder how you could have missed it. With time and practice, this new thing called contentment settles in and you realize that the life you have going on might actually be pretty darn good. I love the saying, “Gratitude turns what you have into enough.” Let me tell you, this is such a better place to be.

I’m not trying to say that dreams and ambitions are bad. They aren’t! But they can be if we let them take us to a place of discontent and ingratitude like I did. I’ll always be a dreamer. I’m just holding those dreams loosely now, knowing that my dreams, no matter how good or godly I think they are, might need a little remodeling from the Creator and Ruler of the universe from time to time.  Don’t believe for a second that suddenly my life is now just a bowl of cherries and I spend my days in a state of blissful gratitude and acceptance. Nope. Life is hard and I am human. I’m also one of those humans that is wired for perfection and control, who thinks thoughts 24/7, and feels ALL the feelings. I will always struggle to let God take the wheel. Which is actually quite ironic because I hate to drive and will sleep in the car every chance I get. Go figure

I’m rambling. I was telling you a story and then got all preachy on you. Let me be concise:

I had big dreams that would fix everything I thought needed fixing.

God said something along the lines of “Sorry, we aren’t going that route.”

I said, “What?! Are you kidding me?! Why not?!”

I let go, but not without an ugy fight.

He forgave me for that ugly fight.

I no longer felt the soul crushing desperation to fix my life. It didn’t need fixing.

I started making art.

I can hear what you are thinking.

“What the heck does art have to do with anything?”

Well, friends, it has everything to do with everything, but you are just going to have to be patient until I have the time and mental fortitude to tell you why. Apparently the writing part of my brain shuts down after about an hour and the perfectionst in me will need to spend the next three hours picking apart every word. I promise I will be back (even if it breaks rules #1-3) and I will tell you how God started to move when I finally got out of the way.

 

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DREAMER

Watercolor by Kristi LYnn Studio

(prints available on Etsy!)

 

“The ninety and nine are with dreams, content,

but the hope of the world made new is the hundredth man

who is grimly bent on making those dreams come true.”

~Edgar Allan Poe

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SHINE

Watercolor by Kristi Lynn Studio

(Prints available on Etsy!)

I love Matthew 5:14-16 as it reads in The Message:

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”  Matthew 5:14-16

Now, go bring out some God-colors in your world!

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BLOOM

Watercolor by Kristi Lynn Studio  “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs.

Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

– Howard Thurman

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Be Still and Know….

"Be Still"  Watercolor painting by Kristi Lynn

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God,  above politics, above everything.”  Psalm 46:10 (The Message)

Who, me? Be still? The last few weeks have been anything but still.

This painting was born as a reminder to myself– a reminder to step out of the traffic of my life and take a long loving look at God. He’s got it all under control.

Ahhhhhhh. I feel better already.

 

 

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Mornings in the Studio

Kristi Lynn Studio

In the morning, the house is quiet. The computer is not yet humming with it’s usual distractions and the day planner will wait. In the morning, the responsibilities of the day have not yet chipped away at my time, the inner critic has not yet chipped away at my heart, and the resistance has not yet chipped away at my conviction.

In the morning, I turn on the music and the muse and I create. This is when time stands still. The hours feel like minutes and my heart is full with possibilities. I say yes to God’s gifts and promise us both that I will never again let them go. It is a time of giving thanks and giving back to the Giver. It is a time of birthing the beauty He places on my heart.

In the morning, I delight in creating for and with my Creator, and He delights in me.Because He First Loved Me

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